I’ve always learned from my Mom the importance of a quiet time with God – extended moments spent everyday in quietness and worship before the Master. This truth and discipline has kept me in many a distressing time.

The content of this song is extremely vulnerable and personal. As a musician and a worship leader, I’ve had to deal with many compliments, criticisms, and learning how to distinguish between what I do and who I am. Also, 2005-2006 was an unbearably distressing year of physical suffering – multiple doctors and hospitals finding no diagnosis for me. Through this time, even my closest friends no longer knew what to say to me. I felt alone.

This song emerged out of that season because I really was not alone. Christ was my anchor.

I had to leave North Central University when I wrote this because my health was so bad. I never sang it, but my friend Kati Tollefson and friends from school ministered through this song while I was at home trying to get well. I cried for a long time when I heard the first recording back in 2006. It was encouraging to see God use this song without me being there. God is good at getting His glory while keeping me in the shadows sometimes!

I hope this song can be a source of strength to you. It came out of a dark place and God has lifted me out!

When all the songs are sung
And all the crowds are gone
When I must be myself again
When there’s no friend in sight
No gifts to hide behind
Speak to my heart its confidence

It’s You and all You are
Satisfying the deepest part of me

Draw me nearer
To Your heart, to Your love
Let me rest here
Holding onto You forever

When darkness fills my eyes
No light, no joy, no pride
When hope’s the last thing on my mind
I’ll stand before Your face
Press into Your embrace
Receiving all I need today

My hope
My strength
My truth
Always

I love hymns. I really strive to write songs that portray the Gospel in its glory, as many hymns do. This is one of my favorites, though it’s always troubled me to just sing “I Surrender All” and not mean it. Beautiful words and a beautiful melody can make surrender seem easy and pleasant. Not so much. Those words are massive, mind-blowing. So, I decided to add on a chorus (believe me, I’m not trying to improve on the amazing song) that brought more description to what “I surrender all” means. Every thought, every word, every deed, this is my worship to You.

The story of Judson W. Van DeVenter is also quite inspiring. Here’s a simple summary in his own words:

“For many years I had been studying art. My whole life was wrapped up in its pursuit and the thing farthest from my mind was active Christian service. My dream was to become an outstanding and famous artist. After graduating from college, I studied drawing and painting under a well-known German teacher. To help me financially, I taught school and eventually I became supervisor of art in the public schools of Sharon, Pennsylvania.

It was during this period in my life that a revival was held in the First Methodist Church of which I was a member. I became very interested in these meetings as a personal worker. The Spirit of God was urging me to give up teaching and to enter the evangelistic field, but I would not yield. I still had a burning desire to be an artist. This battle raged for five years. At last the time came when I could hold out no longer and I surrendered my all-my time and my talents. It was then that a new day was ushered into my life. I wrote I Surrender All in memory of the time when, after the long struggle, I had surrendered and dedicated my life to active Christian service for the Lord.”

It’s interesting to see how the Spirit of God led Judson to his final surrender. God knows what is best for us and patient with us when we don’t trust Him right away.

It’s also humbling to partner with Judson so many years after his death to sing this beautiful song. I pray it stirs you to give your all to Jesus.